I for one grew to hate the phrase "Sorry for your loss" after my husband died and people I didn't even know would mutter it in passing as soon as they heard me say he was gone. I would want to scream. You don't know me or him, how can you possibly be sorry and actually feel anything about it other than a rote comment that someone needs to say upon hearing of death in someone else's life. Since then I have strived to NOT say that phrase. and the phrase "they are in a better place" is likewise not helpful.

last week I learned about the idea of using spoons to express how much energy you have in a day for doing things. there is a thing called spoon theory. someone in a Facebook group had said they were having a 6 spoon day and I didn't want to ask them what it meant... Google being the good friend that they are... told me about the theory of having enough spoons for different activities during the day. and that people who don't have Lupus or Fibromyalgia or other autoimmune issues that rob them of spoons are more unlimited in their capacity to do things. I completely understood that somedays, I don't have the spoons to get up shower and stay up. and other days its a good spoon day. So your comments about spoons make a lot of sense to me too. Now... How many times have I told someone I would send energy and the most I can do is spare a moment to put them in my head. IF I can't do that much at the least then it's best that I don't promise them anything.... assuming that I don't have that energy to spare. But If it is someone that I really really care about. Then I make space for them. I sacrifice a spoon for them. Because I love them enough that I won't regret not doing something so that I can send them energy.

I learned about the spoon theory a couple of years ago. It has become a way for me to tell Dave how I am doing on that day. Dave says he will give me his spoons, which is his way of saying to lean on him when i have little or no spoons. This last week or so I i have been lucky to have one spoon... like today. I have had to lean on Dave and Sean so much. Salem feels it, he stays at my side most the day. even sleeping in the bed with me. Some of my spoons get used to deal with my current health issues. Yes, Fibromyalgia can be so crippling at times. I am still glad that they know that is a condition. I remember when no one knew what it was, I had doctors tell me it my imagination. More and more dr. now treat it in any way they can think of. More people are starting to understand what it is... but its hard for them to really know the magnatude of the symptoms. Now I am in a fog from hell so before I start rambling nonsense I am going to end this rant here. Blessed Be Xan

I love this and thank you so much for taking the time to write it. "I'm sorry for your loss" is something engrained in our social fiber as the most common expression when someone shares a death of a loved one. As an empath, I honestly feel a person's pain, even momentarily, when I hear (or read) about what they have experienced, so saying "I'm sorry for your loss" is actually true for me, in most cases. If I don't feel something I will either scroll by (if it is something I read) or put up an emoji. It's rare that I will hear about someone's loss in person and not have a personal connection with the person sharing that with me.

All of that said, I also follow up with "I'm here for you", and make sure that the person knows that I am present for them if they need me. Perhaps that's simply a part of who I am and what I have chosen to do with my life as a Priestess and teacher. Ask my family and they'll share with you that I'm often pulled away to focus on things outside of the family because my heart takes me there. Naturally, though, in order to do this one must be sure that they have that energy available to give, and, critically important, have the ability to replenish their own reserves.

Having "spoons" is a great concept and visual for bucketing energy and focus. I'll need to spend more time with that one. Hugs!